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"My Kids Will Take Care of Me" Is Not a Long-Term Care Plan

· 7 min read · By Kyle W. Peace, CLU, CLTC

When I talk with people about long-term care, I hear one answer more than any other: "My kids will take care of me."

I understand why people say it. It comes from love, and from trust in the family you raised. But it usually comes from something else, too. Most people have never seen what long-term care actually asks of a family.

So here's my first question back: do your kids know that's the plan? Have you told them? And my second: do you know what you'd be asking them to do?

What long-term care actually is

Long-term care is help with everyday life when a chronic condition or cognitive decline means you can't manage on your own anymore.

The key word is chronic. An acute illness gets better: you break your arm, it's set, it heals. A chronic illness doesn't. You stay the same or you decline. Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and other dementias are common examples.

Long-term care is usually measured by six activities of daily living: bathing, dressing, eating, using the toilet, getting in and out of a bed or chair, and continence. Needing help with two of them, or having a cognitive impairment like dementia, is generally what qualifies someone as needing long-term care.

Here's what surprises most people. Medicare doesn't pay for long-term care. Most of it is non-medical help with those daily activities, and Medicare, along with most health insurance and Medicare Supplement plans, doesn't cover it. Medicare may cover a short skilled nursing stay after a hospitalization, but not the months or years of daily help a chronic condition brings.

How likely it is, and what it costs

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, someone turning 65 today has almost a 70% chance of needing some type of long-term care in their remaining years. Women need care longer on average, about 3.7 years compared with 2.2 for men. And about one in five will need it for more than five years.

Those years are expensive. Here's what care costs today at the national median, according to the CareScout 2025 Cost of Care Survey:

Type of care National median cost
In-home caregiver, 44 hours a week $80,080 a year
Assisted living $74,400 a year
Nursing home, semi-private room $114,975 a year
Nursing home, private room $129,575 a year
Adult day health care, 5 days a week $24,700 a year

At those rates, three years in a private nursing home room comes to roughly $389,000. Costs vary by area and by the level of care, and they tend to rise over time. That's one reason the planning conversation is worth having well before care is needed.

Loving care is not the same as proper care

Your family can give you loving care. That doesn't mean they can give you proper care.

Long-term care isn't stopping by to change the TV channel for Dad. It's lifting, bathing, managing medications, and helping someone to the bathroom in the middle of the night, every day, for years. Professionals are trained to do it safely. Family members usually aren't.

Think about movers. Anyone who loves you will help you move a dresser. A professional mover knows how to lift it without getting hurt. Caregiving works the same way, and the stakes are higher. You try to help someone out of bed, you both lose your balance, they fall and break a rib. Now they're in the hospital.

And here's what often happens next. The doctor says they'll recover, but they won't be going home. They'll be going to a nursing home, because the family has shown it can't provide the care safely. The doctor's obligation is to the patient.

Here's a simple test I give people. Tonight, lie down on the floor and ask your spouse to pick you up. If they can't do it today, they won't be able to do it 20 years from now.

And for most families, it isn't just physical. Children move away. They have jobs and families of their own. A plan that depends on one of them giving up their life to come home and care for you is a plan they may never have agreed to.

Without a plan, money makes the choices

All four of my grandparents went through a long-term care situation. I was blessed not to be the one providing that care, but I heard about it, and I saw what it asked of my parents.

What I learned is that money dictates the care you get. Without a plan for paying for it, you don't choose where you receive care, who provides it, or how close you stay to the people you love. Your circumstances choose for you.

If you're the one receiving care, you may not see all of that. Your family will. They're the ones who take on debt, cut back their hours, or leave a job to make sure you're cared for properly.

This is a time in life that can take a lot of dignity from a person. When my time comes, I want to be able to choose my care, and I don't want my children to have to give up their lives to provide it. That's what planning protects.

What planning looks like

A long-term care plan answers one question: if you need care, how will it be paid for, and who decides how you receive it?

There are a few common ways families approach it, and each comes with trade-offs:

  • Paying from savings. This keeps you flexible, but a long care event can consume assets meant for a spouse, for retirement income, or for your children.
  • Traditional long-term care insurance. It's designed specifically to pay for care. Premiums can increase over time, so it's important to understand how a policy is priced before you buy.
  • Life insurance or annuities with long-term care benefits. These can provide care benefits, and in some cases a benefit to your heirs if care is never needed. They often require more money up front.
  • Medicaid. It can pay for care once you meet your state's income and asset limits, which usually means spending down most of what you've saved. It may also limit your choice of facility.

Whichever direction fits you, timing matters. Coverage is generally less expensive and easier to qualify for when you're younger and healthier. Waiting until a health issue appears can make some options unavailable.

If you already work with a financial advisor, ask them directly: what's my plan if I need long-term care? If the answer is that you'll have plenty of money, ask how much of it would go to care, and whether that's the best use of it.

Learn more

I'm holding a seminar focused entirely on long-term care on Wednesday, November 18, from 6:30 to 7:30 PM at the RT Jones Library, 116 Brown Industrial Pkwy., Canton, GA. We'll walk through the most common types of long-term care coverage, how each one works, and the questions to ask before choosing. It's open to the public.

If you'd rather talk one on one, call or text me at 770-598-8063 or email Kyle@PeaceOMFS.com. The first conversation is at no charge.

Plan today, so you never look back wishing you had.

Sources

This article is for educational purposes only and is not individualized financial, tax, or legal advice. Securities offered through Simplicity Investments, Member FINRA/SIPC, 475 Springfield Ave, Summit, NJ 07901 (303) 797-9080. Peace of Mind Financial Strategies is not affiliated with Simplicity Investments.